I am sitting in the last few days before I
go back to work add another bullet point to my job description. I am a wife, mother of 3, facilitator of everything in the home, and now I will be working outside of the home (at my husband’s office…our office) for many of my “free” hours each week. This feels big. The reason for this shift was explained in my last post, but let me back it up to begin the story from a few years ago. See this new change is not just a cut and dry move. It is one that has been developing for years. God has been working behind the scenes and I am seeing now how seemingly unrelated changes have paved the way to today.
It is hard to pinpoint exactly when I started really asking God to show me how to be submissive. Or more selfishly put, for God to raise my husband up as the spiritual leader in our home. To his credit, he is a Godly man who has always sought to be in relationship with God. His faith was one of the major things I loved about him when we were dating and it is still a huge part of why we work. However, I grew up in a home that was predominantly run by my mother (for lots of reasons that made sense and it is a much bigger story than a blog post so suffice it to say, I love my parents and they provided a wonderful home where I felt provided for, safe, and loved). Anyway, she made the spiritual decisions and lead the family in faith. I am forever grateful for my mom giving me an amazing faith foundation. It is not perfect, but I consider it to be a most excellent starting point. With that said, I knew how to dig deep and follow what I believed to be God’s will for my life. This gave me confidence in the area of faith and in my ability to raise up my children in the ways of a believer.
The problem is when two become one, their individual faith journeys also become one…and sometimes this makes for murky waters. We have different backgrounds and the lens in which we view our faith. We agree on so much, but if we are not diligent, we slip into old, learned behaviors or even the mindset we had when we were single and only worried about our own journey. This has been a bigger part of this aspect of our relationship than I care to admit. Obviously I didn’t forget I was married, but when it came to growing in God, I get really single lady about it. I think about only my own growth and how fast I can go alone. Not intentionally, but the reality is, we are one and I cannot run miles and miles ahead of him. And I won’t if I am giving God room to whisper ways to serve my family in my growth. This is the hard part of change. It isn’t just me. It is my family. I have to work out my renewed mind in the context of wife and mother…which also means that the enemy will absolutely use those avenues to attack me and make me doubt the new thing God is doing in my life.
Attacks we encounter in our daily life may not be from where you think, or for the reasons you think. Sometimes the sole mission of the attack is to give life to doubt. This doubt can start small and begin in the most obscure of ways, but before you know it, you have accepted the invitation down the rabbit hole and you are now unsure of your ability to do anything you once thought God called you to do. Take heart, friend. A moment of true worship of the Father can wipe away much doubt. Doubt whispers a false reality. Maybe it is a failed moment with your kids or a sour conversation you had with your spouse. You replay them in your mind and doubt begins to try to prove to you that you have not changed, or that this new thing is not going well. Doubt tries to burrow in and take root in your heart, but let’s pause and worship. What happens? You begin to shift your focus on your imperfect existence and you are reminded of whose you are. You are swept up in love for God which He immediately showers you with the unwavering love that He has had for you from before you were born. It is unchanging and it is not intimidated by your imperfection or the enemy’s tactics to emphasize your flaws.
So remember, change is the constant companion of the journey into the Father’s heart. He changes our mind (Romans 12:2) he heals us (Psalm 147:3), and he will never leave us (Deuteronomy 31:6). Change is wrought with uncertainty in the non-eternal details, but the big picture is constant, in your favor, and good. The God kind of good, not the world kind of good. Be steadfast and refuse to reserve a seat for Doubt at the table of your heart.