I used to believe grace was something I had to work to have for others. I know we all need grace, but I thought that having grace for others was a skill to be honed, a discipline to be developed. It turns out, my lack of grace for others is actually an indication that I pridefully believed others needed grace more than me.
My path to this revelation came through being in conflict with a few people I am close to. These people and the situations we found ourselves in were a catalyst in driving me to the revelation that I am not as generous with grace as I had previously thought. In closer relationships, I tend to believe I know the intent behind the actions of those I know best. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I can see that this line of thinking is rooted in self protection.
As the name suggests, Self Protection is not interested in truth, it is interested in Self. My emotions would jump in to ensure my perception of the situation put me in the right and all of the unsavory actions from the other were viewed as an attack on me. Any of my unsavory actions were given a pass as they were traced back to my intent which is only ever good in the eyes of Self Protection. Self Protection is a ruthless way to operate. It takes on a “me against the world” mentality. Fight or flight is the go-to strategy, and I become the jury and judge of all that is done to me.
When we are in charge, we take the role of god in our own relationships. If we are god, our resources to see the situation or relationship with anything other than selfish eyes is impossible. We do not have access to the resources of Heaven or the spirit that dwells in us while in the confines of Self Protection. Grace is a scarcity in the land of Self Protection, because it was never our job to conjure it up in the first place. And when we are operating in Self Protection, we cut off the Heavenly resources that Jesus paid such a high price to put at our disposal. Grace is a gift from Jesus. In Him we have all we need, and dear reader, we NEED grace.
Ephesians 2:8 says
“For it is by grace you have been saved. Through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–”
In 2 Thessalonians 1:2 it says
“Our God gives you everything you need, makes you everything you’re to be.”
He offers these gifts (fruits of the spirit) to those willing to accept them. They are there because of who He is, not who we could ever be in our own power. All we need to do is leave Self and follow Jesus. Submit to His ways of being and let Self die daily. Self will protect you, but it will come at a cost that I am only now seeing is far too steep. I was looking for so many relationships to serve me and if they didn’t, I was on the defense at every turn. I had no clue for many years that this is how I was operating. I know what good behavior looks like and I know how to make my actions mirror the good morals I was brought up with. But my heart was methodically looking out for my best interests at every opportunity. Self doesn’t know how to be any other way.
In the days and weeks and months to come I see myself crucifying old thought patterns and behaviors that only served Self. Some might die instantly and easily–others might go kicking and screaming, but I know there is newness of life being breathed in my spirit daily as I embrace a life of freedom from the land of Self Protection. Stay tuned for a deeper unpacking of how finding grace for myself (read: embracing the free gift of grace that has been waiting for me) unlocked my ability to give grace to others.